Capital R Strikes Back
by La Epster
Summary: COMPLETE! The Sequel to Capital R and Hat Girl, What if an American Actor is possessed by the dead Les Mis Characters? Based on both a South Park episode and my imaginary friends. No Flames. Rated out of an excess of caution.
1. The Possession of Paul

Capital R Strikes Back  
  
A/N: Yay! Capital R and Co. are back. This chapter is based on an episode of South Park (Ladder to Heaven). Also, one of the main characters in this one is based on a person as well as I will put myself in it. If you figure out who it was that I based this on, I'll give you an animation (I will be working on another one and this will hopefully work and be funny). Please no Flames, I don't own Les Mis or the Ladder to heaven episode.  
  
Chapter 1- The Posession of Paul (A Clue!)  
  
Paul sat in the bar. He was so tired and he just needed a drink. His dark brown hair was tossed about his head. He looked up with weary eyes. He was in the middle of performing Les Miserables and all he wanted was a nap. He saw the bartender.  
  
"Hey, sir, can I have a bottle of Chateaux du Chavenrie?"  
  
The bartender went off to get some. He returned shortly. Paul promptly opened the bottle and drank. At least he'd be in character.  
  
"Unbeknownst to Paul, the wine he was drinking was from a bottle of wine where the grapes were grown on top of where Eponine, Joly, Enjolras, and Grantaire were buried."  
  
Paul heard this and turned to see a girl of about 16.  
  
"Uh, who are you?"  
  
"Nobody."  
  
"Are you 21?"  
  
"Uh... See ya!" The girl said running off.  
  
That night, during the performance, Paul began to feel a little sick. They were in the middle of "Do You Hear The People Sing?" when Vail hit a certain note. Suddenly, there was a soft "Ping".  
  
"The Mild Mannered Grantaire hears a noise and becomes Capital R, he must find his Hat Girl." Paul said as he threw off his clothes. "Tally Ho!"  
  
Paul streaked across the stage as Vail and Neal watched on. Finally, Vail asked "How much wine did Paul have?"  
  
"Capital R becomes a wolf and sniffs out Hat girl." Paul said as he crawled on the ground. He came up to Jess who was in her outfit as Eponine. He sniffed her.  
  
"Paul, what on earth are you doing?" She asked.  
  
"Hat Girl?" Paul asked.  
  
"Snap out of it!" Jess yelled while hitting him in the back of the head causing him to return to normal.  
  
"Hey! Where's my clothes?" He asked.  
  
After the performance, he was waiting in his hotel room for Matt. He suddenly lost his consciousness as a new consciousness bubbled up.  
  
"Huh? What the-"He said looking in the mirror at himself. "I need make up 'cause man, I look odd."  
  
Paul proceeded to find makeup and put it on. He then snuck into Jess's room and took a dress. He decided to shave his legs. After he was all made up, he left Jess's room and walked down the hall. Matt was walking the opposite way.  
  
"Paul... what on earth are you doing?" Matt asked as he looked his friend up and down... the eerie thing was that he made a slightly good looking woman...  
  
"Paul? Oh, you must be asking about my husband, Paul Grantaire... I was just going to meet him and-" Suddenly, Paul regained control and saw himself. He screamed.  
  
The next day, Paul woke up. He walked into the mirror and had the strong urge to check it. He looked at it and saw a white spot. Suddenly, he gained a new consciousness and screamed, "I HAVE THE PLAGUE!"  
  
Matt woke up and saw him. He walked up behind him. Paul turned around to look at him and froze. "You're... you're me!"  
  
"Paul, something is wrong with you."  
  
"HELP! I CAN SEE MYSELF!" Paul cried. He looked in the mirror. "AUGH! I'M TRAPPED IN GRANTAIRE'S BODY! I'M DYING!"  
  
Matt just left the room. Paul suddenly gained control again. He looked around and saw the red sheet on the bed. The last new consciousness took over as Paul ran to the bed and pulled off the bed sheet. He yelled at the top of his lungs, "VIVE LE REPUBLIQUE!" Vail and Matt entered the room and saw Paul waving the bed sheet in the air. Vail and Matt subdue him as he shouted in French. Finally, Paul calmed down while Matt and Vail sat on him pinning his arms and legs to the bed. He looked up at them and the icy look in his eyes changed to a more frightened look.  
  
"What's going on?" He cried. "I can't keep control of myself... Help! Help!"  
  
Suddenly, Jess walked into the room.  
  
"Has anyone seen my red dress? And why is there a bunch of hair in my tub?" She asked.  
  
What is wrong with Paul? Will he keep control of himself? Who was the girl in the bar? Will she be able to help Paul? Who is Paul based on? Tune in for the next Chapter of Capital R Strikes Back.  
  
A/N: So, did you like it? I hope that this doesn't offend anyone. It is only based on a real person but it isn't him. Please review. No Flames please.  
  
La Epster. 


	2. Aware of Each other and The Evil Wake Up...

Chapter 2- Aware of Each other and The Evil Wake Up Call Prank  
  
A/N: Thanks for the Great Reviews. LesMisLoony, this is kinda based on what happens to me in class minus the streaking and sometimes, during communion, Grantaire gets excited. This chapter will be even more confusing but things'll clear up soon.  
  
Paul decided he would ask other cast members if they had any idea as to what was happening to him. Ashley told him to just meditate and see if maybe he just needed to calm down. Paul decided to do just that.  
  
He sat down in the room alone and turned on the radio. He put in a CD, not knowing what it was, and closed his eyes. He recognized the CD to be Les Miserables. He chuckled inwardly. Suddenly, he heard another voice. It seemed more feminine... and French.  
  
"Hello? Hello? Who's there? Grantaire, is that you?" The voice said.  
  
Paul's eyes shot open. He closed his eyes again. "No... I'm Paul."  
  
"Paul? Where am I? I looked in the mirror yesterday and had to put on a lot of makeup to vaguely look like myself but I was as pale as a ghost and my hair wasn't that long."  
  
"What is you're name?"  
  
"Eponine Celeste Thenardier-Grantaire," She said. "Where am I?"  
  
"You're in my head... or body... or something."  
  
Suddenly a new voice popped up. "AUGH! I'm in Grantaire's body!" he cried.  
  
"No, Joly, we're in Paul's body."  
  
"Who's Paul?"  
  
"I tour with Les Miserables... Who else is in here?"  
  
"Joly, what's going on?" A deep, powerful voice asked.  
  
"We figured out where we were. Get Grantaire."  
  
Suddenly, Paul could see. There was a white room. He saw a light switch on the wall. He looked and noticed it was as though he was looking into it. He saw Joly and Enjolras, holding hands. They looked a lot like Vail and Matt. Eponine looked a tiny bit like the girl he had seen in the bar. He then saw Grantaire walk into the room. He looked exactly like him. Paul noticed that Grantaire was a lot hairier, and a bit flabbier.  
  
'Who are you?" Grantaire asked.  
  
"I'm Paul."  
  
"Well, how did we get here?" Joly asked.  
  
"I don't know," Paul admitted. "But some girl in a bar said some ominous thing about the wine."  
  
Paul heard a knock on the door. He stood up to see Matt at the door. Matt walked over to him.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"Who is it?" Joly asked in his head.  
  
"Quiet!" Paul hissed.  
  
"What?" Matt asked.  
  
"Nothing. I'm fine."  
  
"Well, just don't act weird during the performance."  
  
"I won't."  
  
That night, Paul was backstage when he overheard Jess and Matt talking.  
  
"So let's get a group together to go to dinner," Matt said.  
  
Paul quickly realized he was not being invited. He felt hurt. Grantaire could feel this feeling and he got an idea. Paul left the theatre dejectedly after the show and went back up to his room. That was when Grantaire accessed his memories and took over. He picked up the phone and pressed the wake up call button. When it asked for the time, he said: "Three o'clock AM please."  
  
It asked for the room. Grantaire asked for all of the rooms except his own.  
  
Paul fell asleep at about 12:00. The rest of the cast finally got home around 2:30. Just as they had been asleep for about four minutes, the phone rang and Grantaire's prank fell into play. Well, the cast members that were awakened knew who it had to be and set out to Paul's room.  
  
Paul awakened to the pounding at the door. He opened it and was immediately tackled by the tired, angry cast members. Did Grantaire come forward to admit it was him? Oh no. He sat back and watched through Paul's eyes. Finally, when the barrage was over, Paul crawled back into bed and wondered why his friends tried to kill him.  
  
Will Paul figure out what to do now? Will Grantaire make Paul streak? Will Paul figure out why these dead French people are in his head? Tune in next time for the next chapter of Capital R Strikes Back.  
  
A/N: Sorry it's so strange. I just woke up with a max cola haze (Don't ever drink a 2 liter bottle of it) and I am now wired and realizing it's three o' clock. Please review but no Flames.  
  
La Epster 


	3. Controlling Capital R

Chapter 3- Controlling Capital R  
  
A/N: I do not own Coke or Mountain Dew or Les Mis.  
  
Paul sat down on his bed nursing the black eye from the last night's barrage. He suddenly heard a noise. He groaned as Grantaire took over.  
  
"The mild mannered Grantaire rips off his outer clothing to become, Capital R!" Grantaire cried using Paul's voice. He threw off his clothing and ran out the door in the nude. Paul just sat in the white room with Eponine, Joly, and Enjolras. He watched in horror as Grantaire made him run into a restaurant where all of the other cast members were sitting.  
  
"How do we control him?" Paul asked.  
  
"I have an idea but it will end up hurting your body." Eponine said.  
  
"How?"  
  
"Well, When Grantaire was eight, he was hit on the head causing him to think he was a super hero. But when he drinks Absinthe, he acts... well... normal."  
  
"That's a good idea... except one problem."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Absinthe is illegal now. I can't get any."  
  
Suddenly, Grantaire ran up to a ledge. Paul decided to try and win control. When he finally won control, he ran back to his room hiding behind fake plants, etc. He got dressed and headed to the bar. He would try to find another way of controlling Grantaire.  
  
Well, he tried beer; Grantaire still streaked. He tried Tequila; he was fined for indecency. He tried vodka; Grantaire streaked. He tried a mix of all of the drinks in the bar and woke up naked in a dumpster. He decided alcohol really wasn't the answer as he climbed out of the dumpster and nursed the bruises and suffered the intense hang over. He looked around and realized he didn't know where his clothes were. He sighed and went to the hotel room and stole Matt's clothes.  
  
Paul opened the mini bar and saw a Coke. He opened it and drank it. Matt knocked on the door and Grantaire took over and...well... streaked out of the room. Paul, realizing his liver could not take any more alcohol, decided to try different kinds of soda. It wasn't until the end of the tour in Salt Lake when Paul found the right drink. He had just had another incident of Grantaire taking over and streaking on stage when Matt walked over to him.  
  
"Well, in honor of the tour being almost over, have a Mountain Dew... it was the only one that the theatre gave us that wasn't caffeine-free."  
  
"It's caffeine-free?"  
  
"Only in Utah... but don't worry, this one is loaded with caffeine."  
  
Paul opened it and poured a glass. He looked at the yellowish-green substance. "For its appearance, it sure is a good drink," he sighed. Paul downed the glass.  
  
"More!" Grantaire cried in his head.  
  
Paul looked at Matt. "I need more... I think it's working!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Go behind the door and cry for help!"  
  
Matt raised an eyebrow at him and then walked out the greenroom door. He let out one, "Help."  
  
"Would some one shut him up?" Grantaire asked. He then went into a long rant about hypochondriacs.  
  
"He's normal!" Paul cried.  
  
At the end of the performance, he noticed that walking out of the theatre through the side exit, out of all of the people, was the girl in the bar. She looked at him and winked. Paul shuddered. Grantaire teased him in his head singing "That girl likes you! That girl likes you!"  
  
A/N: No, this didn't happen to me (Seeing and winking at Paul ) but if I had a time machine... Please no flames.... Guess who Paul is based on... and Matt... if you want... okay, I'm tired... Please review!  
  
La Epster 


	4. Paul Forgets a Dollar

Chapter 4- Paul forgets a dollar.  
  
A/N: I don't own Les Mis or Mountain Dew. No one has guessed who this is based on yet. I'll give you a clue, he is on both Lesmis.cafemusain.com and broadwaylemis.com. It is actually loosely based on him... they just share the same first name... I don't own- wait, I just said that... I'm tired...  
  
Paul went on for the next month in a strict regimen of Mountain Dew each morning. He had not had any incidents. He went back to his job of teaching and was doing well until one day when he was teaching an improv class. Grantaire had been asleep so Paul thought he could wait until lunch to get a Mountain Dew. He heard Grantaire yawn in his head. Paul stood up.  
  
"Class, I'll be right back. Uh... go through the park bench game for a while," Paul said o the large group of college students. As he walked out of the classroom, he saw the girl from the bar again.  
  
Paul went to a vending machine and dug in his pocket. He realized rather quickly with horror that he had the wrong pair of pants... there was no money; not even a wallet. Paul cursed inwardly. He headed back to the class. He walked in at a very bad time. One of the students screamed, acting like a damsel in distress. Grantaire took control, pushing Paul into the white room. Grantaire ripped off Paul's clothes and ran around the room in his body. Paul watched the girl from the bar looking both horrified and yet love-struck. He shuddered.  
  
"Capital R searches for the man in distress!"  
  
Paul decided to try to get enough control to call for help. He took control of his voice and yelled, "Help! Get me some Mountain Dew!" He then sunk back into the white room. The girl from the bar dug in her backpack and pulled out a can of Mountain Dew. She then tackled him. Paul chuckled to himself at the fact that this 139 lb girl could tackle and take down a 167lb man. The girl sat on him and opened his mouth, forcing Grantaire to drink some Mountain Dew. Grantaire started to get sluggish. He looked at the girl after noticing he was naked and then got his final comments of the day in.  
  
"What did we do, Mademoiselle? If it was good, I enjoyed it but I have to get home to my wife."  
  
The girl raised an eyebrow at him as Paul took over. He sat up.  
  
"And that class is how to do a comedic, improvised scene. Umm... Thank you for your help... uh..."  
  
"Just call me Epster," the girl said sheepishly.  
  
"Yes, Epster... Anyway, can someone get my clothes? I don't want to stand up..."  
  
One of the women brought over his clothes. Paul noticed that Epster was staring at him. He looked back.  
  
"I warned you about the wine... but I can help," She said in a low whisper. She took his hand and squeezed it. "Just talk with me after class."  
  
"Okay," Paul stammered.  
  
The class went on as Paul had them do more improve exercises. Finally, 12:00 rolled around.  
  
"Okay, next time we'll work on dialogues."  
  
The rest of the class left leaving Paul and Epster. Epster sat down as Paul sat back in a chair and buried his head n his hands.  
  
"So what do I do?"  
  
What will Epster tell Paul? Will he ever forget a dollar again? Will Grantaire cause Paul to have a kidney stone due to the large amounts of Mountain Dew? Will my internet connection stop being so flighty? Will I do something dumb and reveal the identity of who this is based on? Tune in next time for the next chapter of Capital R Strikes Back!  
  
A/N: I am finally out of school. Now, I can update more. Uh... please review, but no flames.  
  
La Epster. 


	5. Epster's Advice

Chapter 5- Epster's advice.  
  
A/N: I don't own Les Mis.  
  
Paul watched Epster stand up. She looked at him.  
  
"I can take them from you. Just meet me somewhere quiet. We have to be alone."  
  
"Okay... Just a question... how old are you?"  
  
"I'm 17... almost... I can date now," She said batting her eyelashes at him. Paul just blinked. She continued on. "Well, anyway. I can meet you in two days. I'm driving, you know."  
  
"Okay. Let's meet by the nature center."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Are you used to driving in Michigan's winter weather?"  
  
"Oh yeah."  
  
"So how do you do it?"  
  
"I get into my car, I insert the key, I turn the key, I put the car into-"  
  
"No, no... Make the switch!"  
  
"OH! Well, I'll try and call them telepathically and ask them to try and come to me."  
  
"Okay... but can you keep this whole thing a secret?"  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
Paul watched her turn to go out the door. He then thought to himself, "Wait, did I see a camera?"  
  
Enjolras could tell something was mentally wrong with Epster. He took over and crept out the door. He saw Epster talking to a guy.  
  
"Well, thank you... I guess that's all I need to know," she said.  
  
Epster turned around and saw Enjolras in Paul's body. "Hi... Are you Paul, right now?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Can you keep a secret?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I think I'm in love with him."  
  
"You know he's 20 years older than you?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Paul noticed that Enjolras was in contol. He decided to try to regain control.  
  
"Enjolras! What's going on?"  
  
"Nothing," Enjolras said using Paul's voice. "We weren't talking about anything."  
  
"Okay... can I have my body back?"  
  
"Sure," Enjolras said.  
  
Paul regained control. He looked at Epster. She smiled.  
  
"I'll uh... be on my way... I need to get to my dorm room..." She said.  
  
Paul watched her leave and noticed that there was a small camera dangling out of her pocket. He remembered, with horror, that he had heard the sound of a small camera click during one of the incidents when Grantaire was making him streak. He had to get that camera.  
  
Meanwhile, Epster was back in a dorm room. She was staying with a friend. She went into the makeshift darkroom in the bathroom. She came out a few hours later with a picture of Paul, during the streaking incident. She walked over to a curtain and pulled it revealing a shrine. The shrine had multiple pictures of Paul and candles were lit around a clay bust of Paul. She set the picture down and kissed the bust before turning around to see her friend.  
  
"You are ill," her friend said.  
  
A/N: Yes, I do have a shrine to Paul Tru- a certain actor but it isn't this elaborate... We aren't supposed to have so many lit candles in our apartment and I am bad at sculpting. Wow, I almost slipped with who this is based on... But now I gave a big hint as to who he is... Umm... please review but no flames...  
  
La Epster 


	6. Paul's Midnight Conversations

Chapter 6- Paul's Midnight Conversations.  
  
I don't own Les Mis or Mountain Dew.  
  
Paul laid in bed. He heard Grantaire whisper.  
  
"Psst! Paul! Are you awake?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"What do I get Eponine?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"It's our anniversary."  
  
"What?"  
  
"We're married."  
  
"Oh... I didn't know that... And I was in Les Mis-"  
  
"Well, what happened in Les Miserables didn't exactly happen... You see, Enjolras, Joly, Eponine, Gavroche and I all survived the barricades... Eponine and I got married. But she was killed while she was pregnant with our only child... But now that I can, I want to celebrate our 172 anniversary together. What should I do?"  
  
"I don't know... umm... whatever you do, don't use my body to do it because people will think it strange that I am taking myself out to dinner."  
  
"Oh... okay. You know that girl, Epster?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Well, I think she's in love with you."  
  
"Gee. Ya think?"  
  
"Umm... do you have any alcohol? I feel too sober and I can't sleep when I'm sober."  
  
"I do but our livers cannot handle any more alcohol."  
  
"Ah... I need alcohol."  
  
"How about Mountain Dew?"  
  
"Okay!"  
  
Paul got up and walked to the fridge. He opened a can of Mountain Dew and drank it.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"You're welcome... can I go back to sleep now?"  
  
"Not until I'm done with my caffeine high!"  
  
Meanwhile, Epster fed her little bass that wouldn't die from her fishing trip two weeks before.  
  
"There you go, Truckster."  
  
"As I said before, you are ill," her friend said.  
  
A/N: I am sorry this one's so short. Anyway... A hint as to who this is based on is in this story. Also, he played one of the characters that is trapped in his body on both the tour and the Broadway production. I did really have a bass that just wouldn't die so I named it but it died at about 4:00 AM but if I put his name up then it will reveal who Paul is based on. Umm... please review but no flames.  
  
La Epster 


	7. Epster's confession

Chapter 7- Epster's confession  
  
A/N: I don't own Les Miserables. There is some strong Eponine/Grantaire, Enjolras/Joly in this.  
  
Paul got in his car and started his drive to the nature center. When he arrived at the nature center, he saw a car upside down in a ditch. He walked over and realized that someone was still in the car. He broke the glass and heard a scream. He looked in.  
  
"Epster?"  
  
"Ow! Good Grief! You cut me! It hurts!" She screamed.  
  
Paul pried open the door and pulled her out.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah... I think so."  
  
Paul sat down with her. She rested her head on his shoulder causing him to get really uncomfortable.  
  
"Paul... I want to tell you something... I need to tell you now because I may not see you again after it."  
  
Paul shuddered noticing the tone she was using. "What is it?"  
  
"Well, when I saw you in the bar... and on stage... I kinda realized that I have a hug crush on you."  
  
Paul closed his eyes. He remembered too late that it sent him into the white room and there he saw Eponine and Grantaire, well, celebrating their anniversary in a uh... "special way". His eyes shot open and he shuddered.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I think I just either had a sick fantasy or a sick vision or I just witness Eponine and Grantaire doing something they shouldn't be in my head."  
  
Epster blinked.  
  
"So when should we make the switch?"  
  
"Umm... not for a while... Uh... let's have a staring contest."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"If I close my eyes again I'll see THAT."  
  
So the two had a staring contest. Paul decided to see if they were done. Unfortunately, Enjolras and Joly had replaced Eponine and Grantaire. Paul screamed. He sat with his eyes wide open thinking "If Matt and Vail knew about this..."  
  
Epster started to fall asleep. She fell asleep against Paul. Paul watched her and thought to himself, "So a teenager likes me... Is that why she snuck into my class... and wanted me to give her the dead French people in my head... I hope she isn't anything like Eponine-"  
  
"Hey!" Eponine said inside his head.  
  
"Hey Eponine."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Are Joly and Enjolras-"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Well, Enjolras always liked Grantaire and Joly and Lesgles were an item. But when Lesgles died and Grantaire married me, Enjolras and Joly saw they were meant for each other. Now, they usually don't show their affection but it is a month away from their anniversary."  
  
Paul looked down at Epster again.  
  
"What if she likes me the way you liked Marius?"  
  
"Then she'll move on fast."  
  
"What about how you love Grantaire?"  
  
"Then you better keep yourself out of potentially deadly situations if you don't want her to die. After all, I died protecting Grantaire for about the 3rd or 4th time."  
  
Paul looked down at Epster. She liked him... too much... and he was twenty years older... and would be married soon. Paul shuddered again. She began to talk in her sleep.  
  
"Yes Paul... I do..." Epster began to kiss the air.  
  
"You are ill!" A voice shouted from the dorms across town.  
  
A/N: Well, Again. If anyone has an idea of who Paul is based on, let me know and if it is right, I'll send my animation. Apparently, my driving is as bad as Epster's. Please review but no flames.  
  
La Epster 


	8. Cancelled

Chapter 8- Cancelled.  
  
A/N: I don't own Les Miserables. Congratulations to Danica Enjolras who guessed right. Paul is based on Paul Truckey. I do really have a shrine to him... it just isn't so big...and he shares it with Matthew Teague Miller (Joly). This has onsided Epster/Paul and Paul showering if that kinda thing makes you queasy. I don't own Mountain Dew either.  
  
Paul watched Epster sleep. He realized that he, once again, had forgotten to drink Mountain Dew that day. Suddenly, a dog howled. Grantaire took over and ripped off Paul's clothes. Paul heard the sound of Epster's head hitting the ground as he ran off.  
  
Paul watched as Grantaire ran through the small, northern Michigan town. He saw one of his colleagues staring at him wide-eyed. Paul just sighed while waiting for Grantaire to get tired. He winced in pain as Grantaire made him wrestle a dog in is body.  
  
Finally, Grantaire got tired. Paul took over and went home. He went to the fridge which was filled with two liter bottles of Mountain Dew. He proceeded to drink as many as possible. It was about 12:00 Midnight when he realized he should not have had so many. He was shaking and talking at about 200 Miles per minute.  
  
"Come on Paul... I need another liter!"  
  
"Please or he'll rip off our clothes and become Capital R again." Eponine pleaded.  
  
"IhatehimIhatehimIhatehimIhatehimIHATEHIM!" Paul growled.  
  
Paul drank the final liter and passed out from the incredible pain of the carbonation and the crash from the sugar high.  
  
Paul woke up the next morning on the floor. He got up cradling his head. He went into the bathroom and undressed. He walked into the shower, his eyes still closed, and turned it on. He heard a scream behind him. He turned to see Epster, in the outfit from the night before, drenched.  
  
"Augh! What are you doing here?"  
  
"I saw that the door was open so I came in. I saw you passed out. I tried to wake you up but it didn't work. We need to make the switch."  
  
"I know but did you have to come into the shower with me to do it?"  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"The switch."  
  
"Oh, the switch."  
  
"Get your mind out of the gutter, girl."  
  
"Huh? Oh. Uh..." Epster said. She tried to shield her eyes.  
  
"Get out of the shower." Paul said.  
  
She looked back. He was red from his head to his toes. She chuckled.  
  
"Okay."  
  
She stepped out of the shower and waited until he finished. He got out and dried off. He saw that she was staring at him.  
  
"Why don't you, uh, wait in my living room?"  
  
"Oh, fine," Epster sighed.  
  
She left the bathroom. Paul shuddered. He finished drying off and wrapped a towel around his waist. He walked to his bedroom and got dressed. He went into the living room to see Epster, looking in the mirror.  
  
"How ugly Paris is in a white shirt."  
  
"Hey! I said that!" Eponine said with Paul's voice.  
  
Epster spun around and saw Paul, cupping his hand over his mouth as Eponine mumbled with his voice.  
  
"Well, Paul. Umm... I... uh... When should we make the switch?"  
  
"How about tomorrow night?"  
  
"It's a date." Epster said, winking before turning to go out the door. Paul shuddered.  
  
"Why'd she have to say that?" He asked mentally.  
  
"Because she wants to get in your pants," Grantaire commented.  
  
"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that," Paul shuddered.  
  
A/N: I think the rating on this went up with this little chapter but I don't know... after all, they didn't DO anything, otherwise it would be... I can't remember what it's called. But anyway. Please review but no flames.  
  
La Epster 


	9. The Switch

Chapter 9- The Switch  
  
A/N: I think this is the last chapter but I don't know... I may add one more. Anyway. I don't own Les Mis. I don't own Mountain Dew. And I don't own "Girls Gone Wild" (Thank goodness!). Warning for onesided Epster/Paul and a joke about "Girls Gone Wild". No Flames Please.  
  
Epster walked up to Paul's door the next day. Tomorrow, she would leave for Utah. She rang the door bell.  
  
"Come in," Paul said.  
  
Epster walked in. Paul looked at her and Grantaire laughed. Epster was dressed in a tight red dress with a slit up one side. She wore her hair up with a rose near her ear. She had makeup and wore red sandals. She smelled of roses and wore a diamond brooch. Paul shuddered.  
  
"Are you ready?" Epster asked.  
  
"Uh... yeah."  
  
"Epster grabbed Paul's hands and closed her eyes. She began to speak telepathically.  
  
"Grantaire, Eponine, Joly, Enjolras?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I want you to come over to me."  
  
"Kiss Paul and we will," Grantaire joked. This proved to be a mistake.  
  
"Okay."  
  
Epster kissed Paul on the lips. He gagged. It was a short kiss but he still was freaked out. Epster felt them enter her mind and soon, the foursome was in Epster's mind and Paul was left alone.  
  
"Are they-"  
  
"Yes. You are free," Epster sighed. "One question on payment."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Will you wait at the airport with me?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Now, I wonder if I need to get four extra tickets," Epster said causing them both to laugh uncomfortably.  
  
"Hey, Epster," Grantaire said.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Are you of legal drinking age?"  
  
"No."  
  
Grantaire let out a string of curse words.  
  
"I can have Mountain Dew though."  
  
Paul laughed. Epster smiled at him. It was almost a sad smile.  
  
"My things are actually on the doorstep... Can I stay here for the night?"  
  
"Sure," Paul said warily.  
  
Epster settled down on the couch and pulled out a picture. Paul looked at it and saw that it was the picture of "him", running in the nude. Epster didn't notice Paul. She hugged the picture before falling asleep. Paul watched her sleep. He was going to miss her but he wasn't about to admit it.  
  
The next morning, Paul woke Epster up. She showered and the two had breakfast. It was French toast. Grantaire took over and ranted about why it was called French toast. Paul and Epster laughed about this rant. Paul then realized he had to take Epster to the airport. They got into his car and he drove to the airport. They checked her bags and went up to the gate.  
  
"All those boarding flight 109 to Salt Lake City, please board now."  
  
Epster turned to Paul, tears running down her face. She buried her face in Paul's chest and bawled. Paul hugged her.  
  
"Paul... I'm gonna miss you so much."  
  
"I'll miss you too."  
  
Epster looked up at him. She reached up and grabbed his face in her hands. She kissed him passionately. She smiled after they parted.  
  
"I love you," she sniffled.  
  
Paul watched Epster board the plane. He felt a tear roll down his cheek. He walked away after watching the plane take off and walked to his car. He got in and drove back to his home. He felt so alone now.  
  
Epster sat on the plane and closed her eyes going into the white room. She remembered in horror that she didn't drink any Mountain Dew. When she had her layover in Kansas, Grantaire heard a noise and caused her to streak about the plane. She was finally able to regain control and ask for Mountain Dew.  
  
"Please put away the video camera, sir." A stewardess told a man.  
  
Epster got home and plopped down on her bed. Her mom would not be home for a while so she turned on the TV. She froze when she saw it was a "Girl's Gone Wild" commercial and there... on the plane... she saw herself, running around in the nude. Epster got up, went to the bathroom, and vomited. Meanwhile, Paul turned to the same channel and saw the same commercial and started laughing hysterically. 


	10. Paul Gets Sick Causing La Epster to Cont...

Chapter 10- Paul starts to get sick making La Epster continue "Capital R Strikes Back"  
  
A/N: I don't own Les Mis or the concept of going back in time to fix a problem. I don't know who owns that but I like the idea of saving someone from non-existence who looks exactly like the Grantaire in my mind...  
  
Paul did not see Epster again for a long while. At the start of the semester, two years later, he read over his class list. He sighed seeing the same people who had been taking the class over and over. Suddenly, he saw it. There, fifteenth name down, was Epster Marten. He looked at the clock and Saw that it was time for class to start. Epster was first in the door. She saw him and smiled. Cheesy music began to play in the background.  
  
"Paul, remember me?"  
  
"Of course," Paul laughed. The two embraced.  
  
"How has it been with-" Paul started.  
  
"Great, except I can't get a boyfriend because they are always taking over at inopportune times. But I have found something else that controls Grantaire even better."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"It's called dnL, 7-up upside-down. It looks just like absinthe."  
  
"I never did get married," Paul said. "She left me just before the wedding... for her ex."  
  
"And?"  
  
"Well, if it weren't for our age difference-"  
  
"I just turned 20 and after 20, age is just a number."  
  
Suddenly, the rest of the class filtered in. Epster smiled at Paul before taking a seat. Paul sat at his desk and began the class. He started to feel extremely sick. He kept on with the class. Epster noticed that he was getting ill. After class, she walked up to him.  
  
"Paul, are you okay?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Here, I'll drive you to your house."  
  
"I'll be-"  
  
"No. You are too sick. I can tell."  
  
Before Paul could Protest further, Epster went to his car, grabbed his keys from his pocket in a fluid movement, unlocked the car, buckled him into the passenger seat, got into the driver's seat, buckled up, started the car, and drove as fast as she could to his house. When they got inside, Paul collapsed onto the couch. He looked at Epster.  
  
"What is going on? I haven't been well lately and it has finally gotten bad enough for me to really notice."  
  
Epster looked at a book. It had "My family tree" written in script. She opened it.  
  
"Paul. You may want to see this."  
  
Paul looked at the book. There was a smudge at 1760 with a man named Jacques. His last name was smudged. He could make out a G. There was a gap between him and a name that was rapidly disappearing. The name was Celeste Trucket. Next to her name was the phrase, "orphaned at age 1" and her husband was named John T- again a smudge.  
  
"Grantaire?" Epster asked.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"What is your middle name?"  
  
"Trucket."  
  
Epster and Paul both froze in horror.  
  
"Paul. I think Grantaire was meant to be your great great grandfather... but he and Eponine died before... Oh no."  
  
Paul and Epster looked at each other once more before Paul let out a string of curse words.  
  
"We have to find a way to rewrite history to at least let Grantaire and Eponine live for a year and then bury them in the exact same spot."  
  
"There is a way," Joly said. "But it would be dangerous."  
  
"What can we do, Joly?"  
  
"We can find Montparnasse. When the two girls from the future killed Eponine, they took him hostage. I don't remember what year he went to but he should still be alive."  
  
Epster and Paul held hands tight.  
  
"We have to go to find him."  
  
A/N: So, you like? Yeah, this concept has been used so much by so many people but I wanted a stab at it. It get's kinda sad and then things pick up. Lotta wishful thinking... 


	11. Epster pulls an Eponine for Paul

Chapter 11- Epster pulls an Eponine for Paul  
  
A/N: I don't own Les Mis... or dnL (I meant to say that in the last chapter..). Here is where it gets sad... and nonsensical.  
  
Epster and Paul both looked into the phone book. They had to find Montparnasse. They tried Worldpages.com and found a match. Jean and Erin Montparnasse. Epster wrote down the address and she and Paul got ready for the trip to their destination. Epster wore a white tank top, a brown skirt, a brown hat, and a large black belt. Paul laughed at the fact that she looked just like Eponine.  
  
They finally arrived at the house. They had the family tree with them and noticed that Celeste's name was almost gone. Epster knocked on the door. A girl that was maybe a year older than her answered.  
  
"Hi. Is... uh... Jean Montparnasse in?"  
  
"Yes! One second."  
  
The girl ran inside. Then a tall man with dark hair stood in the door way.  
  
"Bonjour, mademoiselle-"  
  
"'Parnasse!" Eponine hissed with Epster's mouth. Epster put her hand over her mouth.  
  
"Hi, um, we were wondering if you could help us. You see-"Paul began.  
  
"Hi. My name is Marc Joly. Look. Remember back in 1832 when you were taken by two girls? Well, you need to tell us where they are or where their machine is because if we don't go back in time then this man, Paul, will no longer exist and the girl who I am speaking through has the hots for him and wants to get in his pants and-" At this, Epster put her hand over her mouth.  
  
"I remember it," Montparnasse said. "They crashed into a mountain. I can take you there, I think."  
  
With that, Montparnasse led them to a car. He got into the driver's seat and Epster and Paul got in the back. The drive was a long one. Epster watched Paul become more pallid. She looked at the family tree. All that was left of Celeste Trucket was "ket". Epster grabbed his hand. Paul looked at her. For the first time in a long time, he looked frightened. She then thought to herself, "He could be frightened because of 'Parnasse's driving. I'm amazed we haven't crashed yet.  
  
Montparnasse pulled off of the dirt road and there, they all saw it. It was a metallic box with several lights o it. The door was dented badly. Montparnasse stopped the car hard. Epster and Paul stepped out. Epster looked inside and saw two charred bodies. She wondered if the machine still worked. She dragged out the bodies covering her hands with medical gloves that she had in her pocket for Joly's last "self-examination". Paul staggered into the machine. Epster got in last and saw Montparnasse looking at them with the most pitiful expression.  
  
"Take me with you," he pleaded.  
  
"Sorry. There's only room for two." Eponine hissed.  
  
With that, the door closed. Epster looked at the controls. She saw a screen that asked for a date.  
  
"Umm... August 10, 1832."  
  
The machine rattled and then Epster and Paul were hurled to the back of the machine. The door opened and the two saw a Parisian street. There, they saw Kay and Xari appear.  
  
"If you're going to do anything, you have to do it now," Enjolras whispered.  
  
Paul staggered out of the machine. Epster ran across the street where she saw Kay reaching for her gun. Epster saw Eponine grab for the gun. Epster pushed her out of the way and proceeded to wrestle with Kay for the ray gun. She screamed in agony as the trigger was pulled. Paul suddenly regained strength and ran to Epster as Grantaire, Joly, Eponine, and Enjolras ran from them. Paul helped Epster to the ground. He cradled her gently as Xari and Kay ran into their machine and disappeared with a dog and Montparnasse.  
  
"Epster, why?"  
  
"Because I want you to exist... even if I die here in the past... then you can get married..."  
  
"Oh Epster. I can't let you die."  
  
"There is no help for me now."  
  
Paul gently picked her up. Joly began to talk through her.  
  
"There is a run-down apartment down this street. We live there. Tell them you need to stay in there."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Paul ran with Epster in his arms. He saw the apartment and ran up the stars. He saw a door that was open and could see Grantaire and Eponine on a mattress and Joly and Enjolras on a couch. Paul could see a little girl and a little boy sitting on another mattress.  
  
"Excuse me."  
  
The group looked at them. Joly then looked at Paul with Epster's eyes.  
  
"Remember what Epster did to take me out of you. Do the same with me. I can speak to them."  
  
Paul sat down with Epster in his arms. He took her hands.  
  
"Joly, enter me."  
  
Joly laughed and then entered his mind.  
  
"You should've rephrased that because in any other situation-"  
  
"I forgot you like men."  
  
Joly took control of Paul and lifted up Epster. He then began to speak in French to the group but since I don't know French very well I'll type what they say in English.  
  
"Hello. Could you help us?"  
  
"Grantaire! It's the girl who saved me and the man that was with her!"  
  
"Yes. Umm. Could you please help us? We have no where to stay and we need medical attention."  
  
"Sure. Gavroche, sleep on the floor tonight. That girl needs the bed more than you."  
  
Joly saw him and Enjolras holding hands. He smiled and sighed.  
  
"Thank you. Now, where should I sleep?"  
  
"Well, she must be your mistress since you obviously care so much for her. Sleep next to her," Joly (1832) said.  
  
Joly let Paul regain control. Paul laid Epster down on the mattress. He then sat next to her and felt tears begin to form in his eyes. Joly (1832) was bandaging Epster's wound.  
  
"Please don't leave me, Epster. I care about you too much."  
  
As night began to fall, Paul watched everyone else fall asleep. He looked down at Epster. The blood had not stopped gushing from her stomach. She would die and he would never get to tell her his secret. He fell asleep hearing over and over in his mind "After 20, age is just a number."  
  
Meanwhile, a vigilant lawyer in a spandex suit with glasses and a tricolour sash was plotting his landing into the room. 


	12. Paul learns of Doltboy and searches for ...

Chapter 12- Paul learns of Doltboy and searches for Epster.  
  
A/N: I don't own Les Miserables. I own a book on CD of it though.  
  
Paul woke up early in the morning to find that Epster was gone. On the window, there was a note. It read, "This has been another rescue by Doltboy!"  
  
"What the?"  
  
"Oh no," The mind dwelling Joly whispered.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Marius 'rescued' Epster. He will do unearthly things to her body causing her to die a lot quicker but he doesn't know he's doing it because when he puts on the glasses, he becomes a total idiot."  
  
Paul looked out the window.  
  
"Where would she be?"  
  
"Well, she may be where Marius took Eponine when she died."  
  
Joly took over and they left the apartment. Joly ran down the street to a bridge. He ran to the side and saw Marius. He was standing up. He was in the process of zipping up his spandex suit. He looked at Paul.  
  
"Doltboy sees the Drunk-master. He hisses and runs away!" Marius yelled. He hissed and ran into the shadows. Paul took over and ran to Epster. He saw her breathing laboriously. He gently cradled her.  
  
"Oh, Epster... Please don't die."  
  
Paul looked over Epster. She was bleeding in more places than when the ordeal started. Paul began to feel more tears welling up in his eyes. He picked her up and carried her up out of the bridge. He heard a soft whimper. He looked down and saw Epster's eyes open.  
  
"Paul?"  
  
"Ssh. Epster. It's okay."  
  
Epster laid her head against Paul's chest. She took in a deep breath and flinched.  
  
"Did Eponine-"  
  
"Yes. She's safe."  
  
Epster smiled at Paul. He stroked her hair gently.  
  
"You will live."  
  
Epster's eyes grew dark. She started to close her eyes. Grantaire decided to take over.  
  
"She's dying. I don't think she'll make it."  
  
"She has to... I-"  
  
"I know... Joly could tell. That was why he volunteered to go over to you."  
  
Paul looked down at Epster.  
  
"How long has Eponine been pregnant?"  
  
"For about maybe three or four months... I don't know."  
  
"So we have either six or five months... I don't think Epster can live that long...She has to live... she just has to..." 


	13. Celeste is born

Chapter 13- Celeste is born.  
  
A/N: I don't own Les Mis. Here starts the Epster/Paul.  
  
For the next few months, Paul was always by Epster's side. Grantaire (1832) had every so often been streaking. Paul watched as Eponine grew more and more pregnant. She was also becoming ill. Paul worried that all that Epster had given her life for was in vain. Then, one day, Joly (1832) ran in the door. Grantaire (1832) was behind him carrying Eponine. Eponine was moaning in pain.  
  
"It's time!"  
  
"It's too early!" Paul cried.  
  
Grantaire laid Eponine on the bed. She spread her legs open and screamed. She pushed and pushed. Paul looked down at Epster. She opened her eyes weakly.  
  
"Paul..."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"When I die, have Joly tell you where they buried Eponine and have him bury me there... Then I will always be with you."  
  
"Epster-"  
  
"I want you to take them from me... start with Grantaire... He's been begging to go back to you."  
  
Paul and Epster held hands. Paul cried as he telepathically asked Grantaire to go over to him.  
  
"Goodbye, Epster," Grantaire whispered.  
  
Epster then gasped in pain. Paul held her even closer.  
  
"I have to tell you, Epster... I need to... I actually broke up the wedding."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I realized that I had feelings for you... I also knew that my fiancee and I were not compatible... Epster... I love you."  
  
Epster smiled.  
  
"I knew you did... I always knew."  
  
"Please don't leave me-"  
  
"It hurts! Paul... before I die... I have to tell you... I have always loved you- "  
  
Epster closed her eyes just as Eponine made a final push. Paul held Epster.  
  
"Epster! Epster! Please wake up!"  
  
Paul felt for a pulse. There was none. Epster was gone. Paul wept bitterly.  
  
Eponine looked at her newborn child after Joly cut the umbilical cord. She smiled and looked at Grantaire as the baby cried.  
  
"Let's name her Celeste."  
  
Those were the last words she ever said. She closed her eyes and laid back on the mattress. She took a final, laboured breath and died. Joly (1832) took Eponine's pulse. He looked at Grantaire.  
  
"She's gone."  
  
Grantaire took Celeste out of Eponine's hands.  
  
"My baby..."  
  
Grantaire held the child and sang a lullaby while weeping. Paul kissed Epster's forehead tenderly. He then turned and wept some more. All he could hear was Grantaire singing a French lullaby. Suddenly, he heard a soft voice.  
  
"Paul?"  
  
A/N: How do you say "Wishful thinking" ? Anyway. Please review but no flames. 


	14. A Resurrection

Chapter 14- A Resurrection  
  
A/N: I don't own Les Mis or dnL.  
  
Paul turned around. He did a double take.  
  
"Epster?"  
  
Epster was sitting up on the mattress. Paul looked down at her stomach. There was no blood, no bandage. Paul smiled.  
  
"Epster, You're alive!"  
  
"Yes Paul," Epster giggled. The two embraced.  
  
"Get a room!" The mind dwelling French people yelled.  
  
Paul and Epster laughed. Epster kissed Paul.  
  
"Thank you so much."  
  
Grantaire (1832) looked at Celeste. She had not stopped crying. Grantaire decided to tell Celeste stories of his beloved Hat Girl. As he told her the story of when they first met, Celeste began to dream of the mother she never knew.  
  
During the next few days, Paul and Epster spent most of their time in each other's company. Mind Dwelling Enjolras led them to the Café Musain. Mind Dwelling Eponine led them to a lovely garden. Every so often, Grantaire would take control causing Paul to streak and drag Epster around Paris. When Grantaire would let Paul regain control Epster and Paul would laugh and retrace their steps to try and find his clothes.  
  
Then one day, Joly and Enjolras were murdered. They were buried exactly where Grantaire told Paul to bury them. They were next to Eponine. Two months later, Gavroche and Azelma were killed but their bodies were never found. Grantaire was alone with Ep and Celeste. After a few months, Ep became gravely ill and died. Then, Grantaire became ill. He took Celeste to an orphanage after telling her one final story of her mother.  
  
"Your mother saved my life several times. Just before we got married, She took a bullet for me and almost died. It was a miracle she lived. Now just don't forget that I will always be with you."  
  
Grantaire came home from the orphanage and laid down in his bed. Epster and Paul were by his side as he took his last breath and a smile graced his lips.  
  
"Paul. I think we should bury him and get back to our time."  
  
"Yes... we should."  
  
Epster and Paul carried Grantaire's body out of the apartment and took him to the same gravesite as Eponine, Joly, and Enjolras. Paul dug a six foot hole and they place Grantaire in it. Paul looked at Epster after they covered the hole.  
  
"Well, now we must go back," Epster whispered.  
  
"Yeah... It just seems so, so weird. I buried my great-great grandfather. I kinda feel odd about burying my great great grandmother."  
  
"Don't worry, Paul."  
  
Paul and Epster walked back to the machine. They boarded it. Epster looked at the date.  
  
"July 5, 2007."  
  
When they arrived back in their respectful time period, Grantaire took control of Paul.  
  
"Where's the dnL?"  
  
Epster grabbed him a bottle and Grantaire chugged it. Epster and Paul laughed again.  
  
That night, Paul watched Epster sleep on the couch. He smiled at her. She was so peaceful when she slept.  
  
"Paul and Epster sittin' in a tree. Two years ago it woulda been statutory! First comes-"  
  
"Shut up Grantaire. We haven't done anything-"  
  
"Yet. Remember, my wife Eponine is in her body and you look like me and Epster looks like Eponine so-"  
  
"Speaking of statutory-"  
  
"Shut up, Paul."  
  
A/N: One chapter more and I swear it will be happy. 


	15. The End Featuring Paul the Pinto

Chapter 15- The End featuring Paul the Pinto.

A/N: This is the last chapter. Lotsa Paul/Epster and a twist. I don't own Les Mis or dnL.  
  
Paul and Epster kept their relationship a secret for the whole year. Epster would go over to Paul's house every so often at night. From there, they would go to dinner or a movie. Paul's new car broke down one night. After class the next day, Paul told Epster he needed a ride. The two went out to the parking lot. Epster led him to an old Ford Pinto. Deep inside, Paul could tell something was going to go wrong.  
  
Epster and Paul got in. Epster turned the key. The car didn't start.  
  
"Come on, Paul. Work for me."  
  
"Paul? You named your Pinto Paul?  
  
"Yeah... I thought 'Paul, Pinto.' It works."  
  
Paul gave her a look. The car started. Epster shifted the car into drive. The ride was uneventful as Epster drove to Paul's house. Then she backed onto the curb... hard.  
  
The force of the explosion propelled both of them onto Paul's roof. They sat there, dazed but unhurt watching Paul the Pinto go up in flames. Epster pretended she had a bugle and "played" Taps softly as Paul watched the lawn start to catch fire. He began to cry as the fire spread to his car... his brand new, expensive, red Cadillac catching fire. It was almost beautiful. It was like a sunset caused by large amounts of plant and bird killing destroying pollution. That was when Grantaire took over. Paul had not had any dnL that day. Grantaire threw of his clothes and grabbed Epster. He then dove down onto the burning lawn.  
  
"Capital R turns on his Freezo Ray."  
  
Grantaire made Paul play "fireman" as he peed all over the lawn. The fire died down. Paul fought for control. When he regained it, he turned to see all of his neighbors, and his parents, staring at him. All were standing wide eyed, mouths agape. Epster thought quickly and pulled him inside.  
  
The next few days before the end of the summer semester went on without much incident. Then, one day, Paul pulled Epster aside.  
  
"Epster. I have been waiting for a while to do this. I have to admit that I was frightened when I first met you but now that I know you, I realize that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Epster Marten, will you marry me?"  
  
"Yes. I will."  
  
The alarm clock rang as La Epster woke up. She looked around blinking at the light pouring in. Her Cairn Terrier was sleeping at her feet. She looked around and sighed. Then she pulled out her laptop and began to type:  
  
"Paul sat in the bar. He was so tired and he just needed a drink.."  
  
The End  
  
A/N: So you like? Sorry 'bout the twist but I realized that things were just too nonsensical for even me. Please review but no flames.


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